


In Sunsets (In Daylights)

by DoreyG



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Future Fic, Hope, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Treat, Uncle/Nephew Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5704321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hasn't seen Luke Skywalker in seventeen years, three months, twenty-four days and six hours. And he thought, fool that he was, that it'd be long enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Sunsets (In Daylights)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amyfortuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyfortuna/gifts).



> I've shipped these two ever since I saw them in the tagset, and I'm so glad that somebody requested them. I hope you like it!

He hasn't seen Luke Skywalker in seventeen years, three months, twenty-four days and six hours. And he thought, fool that he was, that it'd be long enough. He thought that, if he ever saw the man again, the connection between them would be shattered and he'd be able to do what needed to be done. He would be strong, determined, a credit to his true master. He would finally be able to remove his weakness from the universe, and rise anew like a phoenix.

 _Hah_.

The moment he sees Luke Skywalker again it's like a punch in the gut. His fingers slip on his lightsaber, his breath quickens before he can help it and he is _paralysed_. Suddenly he's a teenager again, secret fears and longings and desperate desires fully intact. Suddenly he's lost in the blue of those eyes again, like the seventeen years in between never even happened.

"So," Luke says. Voice impossibly calm, hand on his lightsaber incredibly steady, "I suppose you want to kill me."

"I-" he says, stutters, chokes his way to silence. A pause stretches, and in it he wonders if they really have gone back seventeen years - to the time where he was a longing padawan, to the time where he was always shaking and Luke was always so unaffected "...No."

But the illusion is fleeting. Surprise flashes across Luke's face - brief, but so undeniable that he can't help but blink at it, "no?"

"Shows how little you know me," he says. Becomes aware, only afterwards, that he sounds too raw - too ready, to let Luke slip back into his life and corrupt him again and again. His fingers fumble on the lightsaber, the beam shuts off and leaves a focused silence between them, "how little any of you have ever known me. I don't want to kill you."

Luke doesn't say 'oh', doesn't blink, doesn't even particularly react. He only stares for a long few moments, flatly - seems to be taking him in, every defiant and scarred and open inch "...Ben."

"Don't _call_ me that," he spits, but takes his hand away from his lightsaber. Dangles it loosely by his side for a moment, before clenching it into a hasty fist, "Ben Organa is dead, didn't you hear? I have a _new_ name now."

"The news did reach me," Luke says quietly, and continues to stare. So flat, so calm, so _untouchable_ in a way that he can't help but ache for, "Kylo, what _do_ you want?"

He remembers wanting to be like Luke when he was young, with a fierce longing that never quite went away. He remembers wanting to be so calm, so flat, so _connected_ to anything at all. He remembers when that longing to be Luke, to be _like_ Luke, transformed into a simple longing for Luke - for his hands, his eyes, his quiet strength like a beacon through the dark.

He even remembers, long ago, sensing what he thought to be flashes of that same longing _from_ Luke. But he knows now, with the benefit of so many years alone behind him, that it was just the longing conjuring ghosts.

"I don't know," he says simply now, with Luke's calm and distant eyes upon him, and barks a ragged laugh largely to himself. There's humour in this, if he can just pretend long enough he may well find it, "you probably expect me to have some sort of plan, some sort of grand goal, but... With you here I just don't know."

"With me here?" Luke asks softly, and there's another flash of surprise unguarded across his face.

"I've never known what I wanted from you," he sniffs, and raises his chin. Tries to ward himself, against the flashes of surprise and the blue of those eyes and a thousand other things that all come along with Luke Skywalker, "a mentor, a master, an uncle, a friend, a... Lover. You've always confused me."

Luke's eyes widen a little, perhaps, but he doesn't move otherwise. There's a strange buzz in the force between them, but surely that's just his mind playing with him again.

...He licks his lips, and forces himself to continue on, "surely you've always known?"

"You have never been subtle," Luke admits, continues to stare. Like he's some bug, to be poked and poked until he finally makes some sort of sense, "what do you plan to do, now?"

"I _don't_ -" he starts, frustrated, and then lets out a low sigh. Glances away briefly, and notices when he glances back - with some shock - that Luke has placed his lightsaber back at his belt, "I'll lie, and say that I never saw you. You can make your way back here when you're better prepared."

"And get killed by Snoke at a later date."

"The cowardly option," he admits, raises his chin even higher, fakes as close as he can to a sneer, "but doubtlessly I have always been a coward in your eyes, and a lot of other things besides. Leave, before I think better of my weakness."

Luke doesn't leave. Still doesn't even move, only keeps staring at him with those endlessly steady eyes.

"I _said_ -"

"I never thought that you were a coward," Luke offers, and his voice stills every bit of anger that he was summoning. Transmutes it back, to something small and confused and desperately longing, "not once. I thought that your desires were inappropriate. I thought that your feelings for me went too far, but-"

That strange feeling is back in the force, pulsing against him so strongly that it's all he can do to not just give in to the absolute weight of it. Sink to his knees, and bury himself in the folds of those familiar robes - probably still smelling of sweat, and the smoke of the outdoors, and everything he's ever wanted.

"...Then, so did my feelings for you," Luke says, and smiles a little. And, in that moment, he falls back into helpless love - the kind of thing that never really went away, just buried itself in a different form, "I was just better at hiding them, that's all."

"I-" he starts, chokes back to silence. The force keeps pressing against him, the sudden warmth in his stomach tries to move him just as strongly, "is this the part where you tell me that we can hide them together? That I can turn back to the light side? That I can be _forgiven_ for all that I've done?"

His father's death drops between them, like a heavy weight, but the pulsing of the force and the warmth in his stomach fail to go away. Luke only keeps smiling at him, slightly sad but absolutely irresistible, "anybody can be forgiven, anybody can embrace the light again."

"And anybody can hide themselves?" He presses, only a touch bitter in the face of that, "anybody can repress their true self, push it down so deeply that only the slightest scar remains?"

"I think," Luke interrupts slowly, so deliberately that he's driven to stillness - the type of stillness that he could never quite manage before, with limbs that wanted to twitch and reach and grasp whatever affection came close, "that we've both suffered from hiding long enough, don't you?"

A long pause. He's driven to staring again, helpless and longing and... Hopeful. So hopeful in a way that he thought had been forgotten long ago, along with love and light and the way he felt when Luke Skywalker's eyes were turned upon him.

Luke smiles, at his hesitation, and steps forwards. Before he knows it a warm hand is pressed against his cheek, a longing pair of eyes are staring into his, "all I ask is for you to think about it."

"I-" he says again, and blinks. Leans for the briefest second into that touch, before stepping away, "you should leave, before any less cowardly guards arrive and finish what I started. Believe me, they do not train them to be merciful."

"They never did," Luke smiles kindly, and steps back. The loss of his hand is a blow, but the unexpected longing in his eyes remains, "I'll see you later... Ben."

He wants to protest, but it's a small and insignificant want as Luke gives him a final nod and disappears back into the shadows. He hesitates for a second, after he's gone, and then lets out a low and shaky breath into the air and slumps bonelessly up against one of the bulkheads.

The light side is calling to him again. And this time, with the pulsing in the force still against him, he doesn't want to resist.


End file.
